


i'm okay

by taylorstwice



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heavy Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, No Happy Ending Fest, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26530063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorstwice/pseuds/taylorstwice
Summary: Yena asks Yuri to hug her three times and disappears.
Relationships: Choi Yena/Jo Yuri
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	i'm okay

Yena sat all alone in her apartment, staring at the wall in front of her, her coffee left cold on the table. She scrunched her face in concentration, thinking too hard about something as she kept her tears at bay. When did Yuri started slipping away? When did Yuri let go of her hand in the first place? When did loneliness took Yuri’s spot beside her? When did she became so detached? Where did they go wrong? When did the path started getting blurry for Yuri?

She wondered what happened. She wondered where it’s going. Where her relationship was going. Cause she didn’t know.

She wondered where it started going down. She wondered where it went wrong.

She didn’t know anymore.

* * *

Yena continued talking about her day as she moved around the room, putting her things on their proper place with Yuri sitting inside the kitchen, glued to her phone. Her job for today was a bit hectic with most of the people going around looking for necessities needed for the pandemic and the upcoming quarantine and with the sudden surprise of people inside the convenience store, Yena was a bit worried earlier that she wouldn’t be able to reach Yuri’s favorite restaurant in time. Good thing the owner knew her and stayed open for another extra hour just for his favorite customers. Yena hung her coat on the coat rack, putting her bag on the couch as she rounds the furniture to finally rest her dying feet. She turned and peeped her head from the couch to look at Yuri, seeing her girlfriend still staring at her phone, a faint ghost of a smile adorning her face.

Seeing Yuri smiling pushed Yena’s tiredness away, making her stand up and trudge towards the younger girl.

Once she was beside the red haired girl, Yena cupped Yuri’s fluffy cheeks and gently turned her towards her, a loving smile on her face. Yuri looked up from her phone and raised her eyebrows as if asking Yena what was up. Though a bit discouraged, Yena only passed it off as Yuri being tired as well. She leaned in and pressed her lips on Yuri’s forehead, closing her eyes as she savored this sweet moment between them. She was waiting for Yuri to put her arms around her waist and hug her, something she had always been doing ever since they became a couple. Yuri always loved hugging the older girl, her excuse being her wanting to be always near Yena.

 **“Have you heard what I told you?”** Yena asked the younger as she leaned away from the kiss. Yuri gazed up to her guiltily and shook her head. Yena ignored the pang in her heart and covered it with a bright smile, ruffling Yuri’s hair in the same rhythm with her aching heart. **“It’s okay. You’re probably tired from work like me, huh? Come here.”**

Yuri could only nod as she kept her mouth shut, not able to say the reason why she wasn’t even paying attention to her girlfriend. She watched as Yena left her side, and Yuri frowned when she couldn’t feel the irritation she feels before whenever Yena leaves her side. Yena left Yuri’s side and leaned over the couch, grabbing Yuri’s food that she bought from their favorite restaurant, an excited look on her face. She turned around in a jump and waved Yuri’s ice cream, catching Yuri’s attention. **“I bought your favorite ice cream!”**

Yuri flitted her eyes towards the food in hand, and then went back on her phone. **“Thanks Yena unnie. I’ll eat it later.”**

The pain in Yena’s heart started growing more at that point, and it was sad that the duck didn’t know that it wouldn’t leave starting from there.

* * *

Silence filled the once lively apartment as Yena kept herself seated on the couch, watching the running TV as it played some random K-Drama that she doesn’t know. Yuri was inside their room, probably on her phone again and Yena really wanted to go and be with her but she couldn’t. Not with this kind of thoughts running in her mind.

She shook her head as she tried to pry away her attention from the growing itch in her heart, and followed her mind that yelled for her to go in her room and be with Yuri.

The room was also quiet when she stepped inside, and she sees Yuri lying on the bed, hiding under the bed, the light from her phone peeking through the blankets. She wordlessly went and lied on the bed as well.

For a while, it stayed like that. Just them lying beside each other yet treating like the other didn’t exist.

Yena felt like everything changed.

_Even them._

**“Yuri-yah.”** Yena desperately wanted to talk about what happened about last week, she wanted to tell the younger girl that her reaction bothered her – scared her even. But she’s scared it might ignite a fight.

Yena didn’t want fights. It reminded her of her _parents_. 

Yuri turned around and faced her, not letting go of her phone. She raised her eyebrows again, and it irritated Yena when she was reminded of the same face from last week but she froze when she remembered another circumstance where Yuri made the same exact face.

And it scared her shitless.

It reminded her of the times when Yuri was still not into her. 

Back when Yuri was not interested in her.

When…Yuri _wasn’t_ _in_ _love_ with her.

She turned away and blinked her eyes in a rapid pace, trying to blink away the upcoming tears.

When she was composed enough, she turned hesitantly, meeting Yuri’s back, the girl already back on her phone.

 **“Hey Yuri.”** The said girl didn’t even turn, keeping her eyes on her phone. She hummed instead, not seeing Yena’s faltering smile. **“C-Can you hug me?”**

Without any questions asked, the younger girl turned and scooted closer towards the duck, slipping her right arm between Yena’s arm and torso, resting her cheek on Yena’s as she let Yena hug her back.They stayed like that for some minutes, but Yena wondered why she felt so cold the whole time.

It was like she wasn’t hugging anyone at all.

It was like it wasn’t real, like they weren’t real anymore.

After feeling that it was enough, that the hug she gave the the duck was enough, Yuri pulled away and turned away from Yena, as if nothing happened.

Yena stared at Yuri’s back since then, her hand hanging in the air as she stopped herself from bothering the younger girl.

For the first time in their relationship, Yena felt like she was bothering Yuri.

Like Yuri didn’t even like giving her the hug. Like she only felt obligated to hug her just because she asked.

Not because she liked giving her one.

And Yuri _loved_ hugging Yena.

Always.

 _Loved_.

* * *

**“I want to dance with you!”** Yena yelled as she threw her phone on the couch as their favorite slow song started playing, and ran towards Yuri who was in the kitchen, scrolling through her phone, just like what she always do whenever Yena comes home from work.

The quarantine had started and they were now cooped up inside their apartment, fridge filled up with foods they can cook (though they might ask help from the couple next door).

Yena spent half of the day reminiscing all the good moments she had with Yuri in their four years together on the couch and she couldn’t help but miss them.

At some point, she wished that she could go back in those times and just…stay there.

With the reminiscing time brought this topic up, Yena missing dancing with Yuri.

It was all that they did in the first week when they moved in their apartment, waking up drunk on their living room floors, pizza boxes strewn around them. When Yuri started to play music from her phone, Yena already had her arms open as Yuri skipped towards her and they would dance. They would dance as if they finally reached the world they had wanted, where there was only Yuri to Yena, and Yena to Yuri.

Yena _missed_ that world.

It seemed like they’ve been out of that world for a while.

 **“Come on! It’s been a long time since we’ve dance to this! Don’t you miss it?”** Yena wondered why she always asked the daring questions that holds the most painful answers. Yuri didn’t answer her, instead she stood up quietly from her seat and approached Yena, sliding her fingers between Yena’s, resting her chin on Yena’s shoulder, her other arm wrapping itself around Yena’s waist. 

She sighed quietly as she felt nothing while Yena hugged her close as she felt everything.

Slowly, in beat with the rhythm, Yena started swaying them to the music.

But something felt different.

Everything…felt different.

Yet Yena pushed it away, holding Yuri closer to her, afraid of the reality. She pulled away briefly to put a kiss on Yuri’s cheek, before returning back on pressing her cheek against the one she kissed.

Yuri is her only anchor.

**“Yena, let’s stop.”**

Yena’s pretty sure her heart stopped beating as her whole body froze.

**“I’m getting tired.”**

Though Yuri was trying to pull away from the hold, Yena’s arm on her back didn’t budge.

_Is she slipping away?_

Yena couldn’t breathe.

**“Let’s dance some other time.”**

Yena wondered when that other time would be.

Yuri finally got herself out of the hug – if it was even one – and went to their bedroom to get change so she could sleep, leaving Yena all alone in the living room, her arms still in the air as if Yuri had never left.

When she heard the bedroom door close, she closed her eyes as well as she imagined Yuri’s smiling face in front of her and suddenly she didn’t feel as empty as earlier. She started swaying again, a smile growing on her face as she keeps this image of Yuri in her mind. 

They’re still _dancing_.

They’re still _in love_.

They’re still _them_.

Tears started streaming down her face yet she still danced.

After dancing and crying all alone in the living room, Yena followed Yuri in the bedroom to get ready for sleep as well.

But before she got ready for bed, she wanted something from Yuri.

 **“Yul.”** The girl was still awake, using her phone on her side of the bed. She’s smiling again, and Yena recognized that smile as the smile she was imagining earlier.

It broke her heart that she wasn’t the one putting it on Yuri’s face. **“Joyullll~”**

Yuri raised her head from the covers. **“What Yena?”**

**“Let me hug you.”**

The younger girl shook her head. **“No.”**

**“Let me hug you!”**

**“Yena.”** Yuri said her name so strangely, it felt so foreign in Yena’s ears.

 **“Let me hug you, Yul.”** Yuri couldn’t even notice that Yena was practically begging.

 **“Stop playing around, okay? I’m tired.”** Yuri turned away from her and hid herself more under the blankets, leaving Yena waiting for her just by the foot of their bed.

Yuri didn’t want her _hugs_ anymore.

And something struck Yena from years ago.

_**“Let go of me!”** Yena said as she tried to pry Yuri off of her._

_**“No! I’ll only stop hugging you the day I fall out of love with you!”** Yuri continued to wrap herself in Yena’s arms, smiling happily._

And from there, Yena realized that they would never get back in the world they created.

* * *

Everything seemed to disappear from Yuri. That occasional smile she always flash Yena with when the duck catches her attention, the frown she always wore when Yena teases her, or the sudden hugs she used to sprung at Yena when the duck’s not on her guard, all of that, gone. She rarely showed emotions towards Yena, and the duck thinks that their relationship disappeared along with those things that went poof in a second.

Yena finds herself standing a few feet away from the love of her life, watching a scene that seems like that it was taken from a movie. 

The pandemic was over, and people can see each other again outside.

It seems like the quarantine also took something from Yena as well.

 _“Yul…can you…”_ Yena shakes as she smiles.

 _“Hey Yuri, can you hug me one last time?”_ Yena asks in her mind as she watches Yuri smile. As she watches Yuri laugh. So much louder than the times Yena made her laugh in the past four years. How the pain can bring her sorrowful joy, she doesn’t know. A tear slips from her eye but she quickly wipes it away. She continues to watch the two from afar.

_“Can you hug me one last time even if it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore? Can you?”_

Yena can’t take her eyes off her girlfriend, she’s still beautiful.

She has always been beautiful and she will always be beautiful. When she’s being petty, she’s still beautiful. When she’s being a sappy little kid, she’s still beautiful. When she’s being a crybaby, she’s still beautiful. Even when she’s hurting Yena to the point that the duck can’t take it anymore, she’s still beautiful. Even when she’s enjoying her time with someone else, someone not Yena…she’s still beautiful. She will never stop being beautiful in Yena’s eyes, no matter how much pain she inflicts on her.

Yena can’t stop it anymore, a few tears fall from her face again, and she might garner some attention, but she doesn’t really care. She smiles a small one, her hands shaking on her side. _“It’s okay. I can understand.”_ Her hands clench as Yuri jumps up and down in front of the person she’s with, she releases a sigh as Yuri wraps her arms around the person’s neck, putting her face on the crook of the person’s neck. _“I understand if you’re tired of all of this. Of us. Of me. I can understand. For you.”_ More tears fall but it seems like Yena can’t move anymore, her eyes transfixed on the scene in front of her. “ _I can understand if you’re going to be happier with someone else.”_ A smile slips on her face again.

_“Be happy okay? Don’t think of me anymore.”_

So Yena leaves with a pained smile and a broken heart, walking away from the painful sight, her tears now freely flowing down her face. _“I’m ready to forget you.”_

_“I’m okay.”_

_“I’ll stay here.”_

_“I’m okay.”_

Yuri opens the door of their apartment quietly, looking around to see if Yena was home or not. She walks inside the place with her bag, still quite in the blissful mode from the happy day she had. She stops on her tracks when she notices the absence of things inside the living room, or the lack of noise from a very known duck. She remembers that Yena told her that she’d be home the whole day, so the lack of sound disturbed the hamster.

The first thing that she noticed missing was Yena’s shoes by the doorway, next was her yellow umbrella that she always wanted to be beside the shoe rack. Something pricks Yuri’s heart when she sees that her picture with Yena that was framed and hung just beside the TV was missing. In fact, all of the picture frames that has Yena’s face in it, was gone. Yuri walks fast towards their kitchen to see Yena’s pink mickey mouse apron gone from the side of the fridge. She runs to their bedroom to see nothing but her things, her hamster plushie all alone on the middle of the bed, with a letter sticking out from it’s mouth.

_“Angels deserve nothing but to be free. Be free, my angel. I’ll be okay. I’ll be here even if you won’t be anymore. Create another world with someone else and be happy with them, okay? Don’t ever leave your world this time.”_


End file.
